Wednesday, September 20, 2006


I got up at an ungodly hour today (5am) to get ready for work and for me, everything was going smoothly. I showered, dried my hair, did my makeup, got dressed, had breakfast and put on my coat.

I was thirsty and still had a couple of minutes before I had to leave so I went to get a quick drink of water. As I was filling my glass I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. Something on the left lapel of my beautiful new red coat. I looked down.

I yelped, and pulled my coat off faster than I have ever undressed in my life.

It was a spider.

And not just any spider. It was the hugest spider I have ever seen in my life outside of a zoo.

And it was on me.

I'm grimacing and squirming just at the thought of it as I type.

So the coat was off and I flapped it and flapped it, and checked it and checked it for about 15 minutes but there was no sign of the spider. It must have fallen off and scuttled into some recess in the kitchen I told myself. So eventually, running late for work having missed my bus and facing a 20 minute wait in the storm raging outside, I put my coat back on and called a taxi.

My skin was crawling.

This was not helped by the taxi driver. I told him my tale of woe, and he told me the spider was on my hair. Again I yelped. The bastard laughed. Ha ha very funny I said.

I got to work and trudged up the stairs to face 10 more stupifying hours on my feet. I was in a foul mood. The taxi had cost me a tenner.

Getting into the locker room I stopped at the mirror and re-applied my lippy, had a quick skoosh of perfume and brushed my rain damp hair. I put my bag in my locker. I took off my coat.

The spider fell out.

Very much still alive.

And even bigger than I had realised.

It was the size of the palm of my hand, it's body was the same thickness as my thumb.

It had been on me all that time, I felt sick.

I stood on it.

It was dead.

Still my skin crawled.

Two hours later I went for my break, the locker room floor had not been swept. The dead spider was no longer there.

I thought I'd killed it, but did I?

To think I used to say I'm not scared of spiders.


A very poor Artists Reconstruction.


cello said...

Wow. Do you think its monstrous size is something to do with the favourable conditions in your house? Or in Glasgow?

I think I am fine with spiders, but it's quite another matter having one just beneath your chin. Hope you're feeling calmer now.

patroclus said...

Oh dear christ, that is the horriblest thing ever. I know it's a terrible cliché but I can't stand them either. I can't help but think they want to get into my head and make a web in my brain. Brrrrr. You should have a medal for Prolonged Spider Proximity Survival!

Having said that, I do think that a spider is still one of nature's wondrous creatures, and doesn't really deserve to be killed. As my mum would say, 'it was probably more scared of you'.

Jules said...

Ugh, I've got the shivers now! :D

realdoc said...

My head says 'it's only a spider for crissakes' meanwhile I am actually running around screaming aaaaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhhh
poor you, I prescribe a little lie down after that.

Rabidus Badgerus said...

Yuuuck that's awful! Makes me shudder just thinking about it! I am completely terrified of spiders, and even though I hate having to do it, I have to kill them, just to make sure it's gone!

Pam said...

My sympathies.

ill man said...

Maybe the cabbie wasn't pulling yr leg...

I found a big old spidey resting amongst the Gentlemens Periodicals under my bed the other day. Gave me a bit of a start it did...

Like many others I have a slight fascination for spiders, but only at a distance or when seperated from them by something transparent but solid. The idea of the buggers crawling on me sets me on edge. I much prefer moths.

The up shot of it all was that it did remind me that I really ought to chuck out my old copies of 'Gentlemens Periodical' though. It hasn't been the same since Norman Tebbit took over as editor.

Little Star said...

Arrrghhhh!!!! How utterly, utterly terrifying!!! I would have been screaming like a banshee! It made me shudder just reading......and now I feel all itchy.
I hope you have now recovered

Kate said...

I don't like 'em. Despite rational argument that they can't hurt you, its just something about the way they move.. But I can't kill them either and as Mr Kate is terrified of them and not too proud to admit it (damn), it falls to me to do the tumbler and card trick. Horrible for you H :-(

Sheri said...

I used to also not be afraid of spiders, but now I live in the country and there are spiders everywhere, and I find myself freaking out a bit too when one lands of me somehow. Gross!

I like your blog!

rockmother said...

Hi Heather

Ugh agh aagggggghhhhhh I feel really sick. We've been having really big spider problems in our house too lately - just hideous. Why have they suddenly all got so big and horrible? It has stressed me so that I have had big spider dreams (nightmares) for the last two nights running. Poor poor you - that sounds just the worst most disgusting thing ever to happen. And I hope that horrid taxi driver gets one up his leg while he's driving! You are very brave to stamp on it - I hover for tens of precious minutes just rooted to the spot with clumps of wood and tennis rackets - you name it - anything but a shoe - it's too close for compfort plus the squishign snap makes me want to puke. Hopeless.

Roulette Payouts said...

My God! Well and well!