I got up at an ungodly hour today (5am) to get ready for work and for me, everything was going smoothly. I showered, dried my hair, did my makeup, got dressed, had breakfast and put on my coat.
I was thirsty and still had a couple of minutes before I had to leave so I went to get a quick drink of water. As I was filling my glass I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. Something on the left lapel of my beautiful new red coat. I looked down.
I yelped, and pulled my coat off faster than I have ever undressed in my life.
It was a spider.
And not just any spider. It was the hugest spider I have ever seen in my life outside of a zoo.
And it was on me.
I'm grimacing and squirming just at the thought of it as I type.
So the coat was off and I flapped it and flapped it, and checked it and checked it for about 15 minutes but there was no sign of the spider. It must have fallen off and scuttled into some recess in the kitchen I told myself. So eventually, running late for work having missed my bus and facing a 20 minute wait in the storm raging outside, I put my coat back on and called a taxi.
My skin was crawling.
This was not helped by the taxi driver. I told him my tale of woe, and he told me the spider was on my hair. Again I yelped. The bastard laughed. Ha ha very funny I said.
I got to work and trudged up the stairs to face 10 more stupifying hours on my feet. I was in a foul mood. The taxi had cost me a tenner.
Getting into the locker room I stopped at the mirror and re-applied my lippy, had a quick skoosh of perfume and brushed my rain damp hair. I put my bag in my locker. I took off my coat.
The spider fell out.
Very much still alive.
And even bigger than I had realised.
It was the size of the palm of my hand, it's body was the same thickness as my thumb.
It had been on me all that time, I felt sick.
I stood on it.
It was dead.
Still my skin crawled.
Two hours later I went for my break, the locker room floor had not been swept. The dead spider was no longer there.
I thought I'd killed it, but did I?
To think I used to say I'm not scared of spiders.
A very poor Artists Reconstruction.