Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Indecent Exposure

I have been lax in my blogging ways for the last few days my dear readers and for this I apologise. I blame the heat.

Quite what the heat has to do with it I don't know, but it's a convenient excuse so I think I shall use it.

Or I could blame the copious amounts of yummy cocktails I have been supping over the weekend. Yes, I think that they are probably more likely to blame.

Anyway, I had something of a swimming costume malfunction today. I went for my usual swim in my lovely local Olympic sized pool (40 lengths, 4 times a week because I'm nothing if not dedicated) and was wearing my faithful black swimming cozzie.

Unfortunately for some reason it decided to rebel this evening. Maybe it's because I've lost weight recently but it was either riding up into places I really didn't want it to go or sliding down to reveal nippleage. I had about 5 near misses of almost flashing the male life guard, not exactly ideal especially since I want to be able to go for my swim without a paper bag over my head.*

I shall comfort myself that it's not nearly as bad as those ladies and gents on flumes who end up in the splash pool minus an item of swimwear.

Still it may be time to invest in a new swimming costume before I end up inadvertently giving myself or some other poor soul a fright.

Not entirely sure why I decided to share this with you all. I obviously have little or no shame.

*A time honoured method of concealing identity and hiding embarrassment. Although the effectiveness of a paper bag when combined with water does come into question.


Tim Footman said...

Re: The paper bag idea.

There's a tributary of the river in Oxford called Parson's Pleasure, which has traditionally been the spot for nude male bathing. One day, a boat containing young ladies accidentally strayed too near.

The unclothed academics and divines immediately grabbed towels to cover their shameful parts, except for one elderly gentleman, who put his towel over his head.

"What the devil are you doing?" asked his companions.

"I don't know about you chaps," he responded in a muffled tone, "but in Oxford, I'm generally recognised by my face."

Billy said...

What could be used in place of a paper bag if you knew it was going to be get wet.

I want to say a leather hood, but worry that you might get the wrong idea. :)

Heather said...

Hi Tim, nice to see you over here. I love that story, very funny.

Billy keep your sexual perversions to yourself my dear! :)

Rabidus Badgerus said...

Be happy it's "riding up places" and not barely covering places. I see too many larger (shall we say) women with flabbage problems, swimming in tini bikinis. The worst being an old lady in..yes, a thong! *shudders*

Heather said...

Yes Badger, this seems to be a problem of endemic proportions, especially in the swimming pools of Glasgow.

Far too many women letting their wobbly bits hang out. Or maybe I'm just too self conscious to follow suit.

Worse though are the ones who wear teeny bikinis that display their fuzzy bits to the world. Urgh! Have they never heard of waxing?

Rabidus Badgerus said...

I saw a man with a very small swimming costume, and noticed he had decided to shave "down there" and dye it blue and green. Am unsure exactly what the pretty picture was, which I always felt was something of a shame. Perhaps it was a little dragon. Pubic topiary and all that... :-)

POE said...

Was this near a pool or just strolling down the street?