Indecent Exposure

I have been lax in my blogging ways for the last few days my dear readers and for this I apologise. I blame the heat.

Quite what the heat has to do with it I don't know, but it's a convenient excuse so I think I shall use it.

Or I could blame the copious amounts of yummy cocktails I have been supping over the weekend. Yes, I think that they are probably more likely to blame.

Anyway, I had something of a swimming costume malfunction today. I went for my usual swim in my lovely local Olympic sized pool (40 lengths, 4 times a week because I'm nothing if not dedicated) and was wearing my faithful black swimming cozzie.

Unfortunately for some reason it decided to rebel this evening. Maybe it's because I've lost weight recently but it was either riding up into places I really didn't want it to go or sliding down to reveal nippleage. I had about 5 near misses of almost flashing the male life guard, not exactly ideal especially since I want to be able to go for my swim without a paper bag over my head.*

I shall comfort myself that it's not nearly as bad as those ladies and gents on flumes who end up in the splash pool minus an item of swimwear.

Still it may be time to invest in a new swimming costume before I end up inadvertently giving myself or some other poor soul a fright.

Not entirely sure why I decided to share this with you all. I obviously have little or no shame.



*A time honoured method of concealing identity and hiding embarrassment. Although the effectiveness of a paper bag when combined with water does come into question.

25 First Lines Music Quiz - The Results!

Well done everyone, only three lines which weren't answered at all! I've filled in the remaining answers in green for anyone who is curious.

And the winner is... (drum roll)....

• Poe - with 9 correct answers!!!
• Chuffy! - with 4 correct answers!
• Billy - with 3 correct answers!
• Minion - with 3 correct answers!
• Skeadugenga - with 3 correct answers!

Special mentions for Patroclus and Annie, who came, saw, but didn't quite conquer this time.

Huzzah to you all! Well done, no prizes I'm afraid, but bask in the glory of your incredible musical knowledge all you want.

Oh and for anyone who was wondering, since I never got an answer, Smirkenorff was the name of the dragon in the TV show Knightmare.

Also, I've had a couple of queries from online friends and that IS me in the picture, no stunt double required. Well who else would it be?

The power of voodoo? Who do?

I would have posted this a while a go but Blogger was playing up, telling me that my cookies weren't enabled. I checked and they most definitely were. For a short while I even contemplated putting a chocolate Hob-Nob in the disk drive to see how it liked enabling *that* cookie.

Then rational thought took over my paracetamol and Benylin addled mind.* So I didn't. Could have been interesting though, in a crumb filled, melty chocolate sort of way.

I digress.

So I was surfing the internet earlier and came across a news article about the one and only, the incredible Keith Richards of The Rolling Stones.

Something struck me... a certain similarity, shall we say?

Is is just me or is the Mighty Mr Richards turning into Hoggle from Labyrinth before our very eyes?

Oh, make up your own minds, but be sure to let me know what you think.

The Music Quiz is still ongoing, I'll be posting the results up soon.

*I've got the flu, if I was going to take drugs for recreational purposes, which I don't, I can think of far better ones to take than Benylin.

Things aren't going very well...

I fell over today.

Twice.

Don't worry, nothing injured.

Except perhaps my pride.

I've also got the 'flu'.

So I'm all snuffly and cold.

I've had better days.


The 25 First Lines Music Quiz is still running if you haven't given it a shot yet.

25 First Lines Music Quiz.

Ok, a few of you will already have played this over at ¡Oye Billy! but it was lots of fun so I thought I'd try my own.

I selected 25 songs using the shuffle mode on my MP3 player and wrote down the first line of the songs in question, ignoring songs in other languages, instrumentals and songs where the first line was the title. Your challenge, should you choose to accept it, is to guess the song title and artist WITHOUT googling it. If you google you cheat. Please be honest folks!

Here goes:

1. They slapped 'em on you. Where that bracelet used to be, you know the one I bought you in phoenix where they sell old jewellery. Harder Now That It's Over, Ryan Adams. Poe.
   
   
2. Holly came from Miami, F.L.A. Hitch-hiked her way across the USA. Plucked her eyebrows on the way. Walk on the Wild Side, Lou Reed. Billy.
   
   
3. Your only rivers run cold, these city lights they shine as silver and gold, dug from the night, your eyes as black as coal. Unforgettable Fire, U2. Chuffy!
   
   
4. Wading through the waste stormy winter, and theres not a friend to help you through. Trying to stop the waves behind your eyeballs, drop your reds drop your greens and blues. Sweet Virginia, The Rolling Stones. Poe.
   
   
5. Eddie waited til he finished high school. He went to Hollywood, got a tattoo, he met a girl out there with a tattoo too. Into The Great Wide Open, Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers. Poe
   
   
6. Out beyond the call of duty, hold your instincts hostage and stick near me. Let's drink a toast, it's the most I can stand to cry about. We are Underused, Pavement. Billy.
   
   
7. I was born by the river in a little tent. Oh and just like the river I've been running ever since. A Change Is Gonna Come, Sam Cooke. Chuffy!
   
   
8. For to see my depth of sorrow, you are not allowed to follow me unto this town square and then run away. Evil Angel, Rufus Wainwright. Poe.
   
   
9. Naked as sin, an army towel, covering my belly. Some of us weep, some of us howl. Knees turn to jelly. Next, The Sensational Alex Harvey Band.
   
   
10. Wanna tell you a story, 'bout a woman I know. When it comes to lovin', oh, she steals the show. Whole Lotta Rosie, AC/DC. Billy.
    
    
11. There's the moon asking to stay, long enough for the clouds to fly me away. Well it's my time coming, I'm not afraid to die. Grace, Jeff Buckley. Chuffy!
    
    
12. If you won't carry a gun, and if you won't learn to run. Hide from the world, it will come for you. You have no place in this time. Hidden Camera Show, Tom McRae
    
    
13. Darkest of night with the moon shining bright. There's a set goin' strong, lotta things goin' on. Superfly, Curtis Mayfield. Chuffy!
    
    
14. A man we passed just tried to stare me down, and when I looked to you, you looked at the ground. Who Is He? Bill Withers. {Minion}
    
    
15. Sailing heart-ships thru broken harbors, out on the waves in the night. Still the searcher must ride the dark horse, racing alone in his fright. Tell Me Why, Neil Young. Poe.
    
    
16. I went to bed too late, and got up too soon. My poor head still spinnin' from too much booze. I got a foot in the gutter, a foot in the grave. I ain't seen home in the last three days. Look What The Cat Dragged In, Poison.
    
    
17. Well they were given the grapes that go ripe in the sun, that loosen the screws at the back of the tongue. Four Horsemen, The Clash. Poe.
    
    
18. Yo man.What? She came. Where? There! Oh! In a word or two - it's you I wanna do. No not cha body, yo mind you fool. Sexy MF, Prince. Poe.
    
    
19. What the fuck is this world, running to? You didn't leave a message, at least I coulda learned your voice one last time. Porch, Pearl Jam. Poe.
    
    
20. I've never been too good with names. The cellar door was open, I could never stay away. It's A Shame About Ray, The Lemonheads. {Minion}
    
    
21. Heard of a van that is loaded with weapons, packed up and ready to go. Heard of some gravesites, out by the highway, a place where nobody knows. Life During Wartime, Talking Heads. Poe.
    
    
22. Workin like a dog for the boss man. Workin for the company. I'm betting on the dice I'm tossin', I'm gonna have a fantasy. Love in an Elevator, Aerosmith. Skeadugenga
    
    
23. There's blood in my mouth 'cause I've been biting my tongue all week. I keep on talkin' trash but I never say anything. Portions For Foxes, Rilo Kiley. {Minion}
    
    
24. Drop down, baby, let your daddy see. Drop down, mama, just dream of me. Well, my mama allow me to fool around all night long. Custard Pie, Led Zeppelin. Skeadugenga.
    
    
25. I hear him, before I go to sleep and focus on the day that's been. I realise he's there, when I turn the light off and turn over. Man With The Child In His Eyes, Kate Bush. Skeadugenga.
    

Have fun with those, it's an eclectic mixture to say the least. Go on, impress me.

On a seperate, yet still music related note:

Syd Barrett passed away on Friday...

Come on you target for faraway laughter,

come on you stranger, you legend, you martyr, and shine!

You reached for the secret too soon, you cried for the moon.

Shine on you crazy diamond...

Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus.

So this weekend I had a shopping trip to Ikea. Usually I go to Ikea with the intention of buying big important things and leave instead with a tummy full of meatballs and a large blue bag filled with stuff like ice trays, garlic presses and cushions.

However this time was different, this time I bought a Dragon!!

May I introduce to you Smirkenorff, my Swedish Dragon.

Isn't he fierce looking?

Oh I also bought a sofa bed(in picture), but Smirkenorff is infinitely better don't you think?

A shiny silver sticker star for the first person who can tell me what the title of this post means, and it's origin.

UPDATE: Billy correctly answered this as "Never Tickle A Sleeping Dragon" from Harry Potter.

A shiny gold sticker star for the first person who can tell me what 'Smirkenorff' is a reference to (and NO Googling- that's just cheating!)

Keep your eyes peeled, for soon I shall be posting my very own 25 first line meme music quiz, as inspired by the wonderful ¡Oye Billy!

Meddle not in the affairs of the dragon; for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

Dance till the stars come down from the rafters.

Dance, Dance, Dance till you drop.*

Continuing on with the cavorting theme of the past couple of posts I was talking to a friend about dancing last night. I have had to come to the conclusion that there are certain songs that it is impossible to not dance to. Even if they are excruciatingly embarassing. I just can't help myself. They truly are the physical equivalent of earworm.


Particular repeat offenders in my case are:


Bon Jovi - Livin' On A Prayer. (complete with actions along to the lyrics**)

Men Without Hats - The Safety Dance.

Van Halen - Dance the Night Away. (One of the best summer songs of all time)

Van Halen - Jump. (Not so much dancing as a lot of jumping)

Huey Lewis and The News- Power of Love.

Prince - Raspberry Beret, Kiss, Little Red Corvette.




I do love to boogie, even if it does make me look like a total prat.

Do other people have the same problem?


* W.H. Auden

** I've never been quite able to come up with actions for "Tommy used to work on the docks" and "Gina works the diner all day". It upsets me, it does.

Unrequited Shoe Love

I bought some shoes today, in an attempt to avoid a further flip flop fiasco. They are snazzy little slip on canvas shoes somewhat akin to converse but cuter. Look, there they are in the picture.

I love them, oh I love them so...

...so why do they hate me?

I wore them for the first time this evening for a 20 minute trip to the shops.

They'd ripped my heel apart after only 10 minutes. Ouchy ouch. Ouch ouch.

They'd fit in the shop.

Why don't they love me as I love them?

Bah!



In other news the wedding actually turned out to be quite good fun. The bride was blushing, in a beautiful white gown. The groom was dashing in his kilt.

I danced with Danes and my date who didn't really take all that much persuading despite his earlier protestations. I did actually kick some Danish folk, not intentionally you understand, they kept banging into us when we were doing the military two step. Well they would keep on getting in the way! However no one was seriously injured by our frolics (I think).

At the end the bride and groom did a dance as part of some Danish tradition and we all had to chuck rice at them, to bless their marriage with fertility. The groom's sister and I took great pleasure in aiming all of our rice to land down his shirt collar. Lots of fun. Even if he did chase us a bit afterwards.

All very nice, but...


I still don't understand why my shoes hate me.

Strip the Willow

So things are gearing up for the Danish Scottish wedding of the year tomorrow. I spent my day on Sunday trawling the shops for a dress to wear. In the course of my shopping I occasionally disclosed the true state of my bank balance by gasping in horror as I looked at price tags.

"£300 for a summer dress made out of cotton! What's it made of?! Woven hairs of unicon mane? Are those frilly bits painstakingly teased from the wings of cherubim?" I muttered under my breath, trying to ignore the dirty looks from the staff behind the counter. They obviously knew that if I needed to know the price I couldn't afford such gaieties.

Still I eventually found suitable wedding garb in the summer sale at John Lewis. A very pretty dress, and I even had enough moolah left over to treat my self to some rather sexy lingerie.

Don't get me wrong, I don't mind expensive things, it's just, well, if I'm going to spend £300 on a dress I bloody well expect it to look like it cost me £300 at the very least. Not like some old piece of crumpled cotton and an old pair of curtains smooshed together in a cack handed manner and then laughably called couture. Am I asking too much?

Anyway, I've got the wedding tomorrow. Amusingly I am going to be expected to dance. Not only dance but Scottish dance. Oh yes ladies and gentlemen, the bride and groom came up with the ingenious idea of holding a Ceilidh. Despite the fact that 50% of those in attendance will be Danish and thus probably be asking themselves who is this Gordon? And exactly how gay is he?

I myself have not been to a Ceilidh since I was 16 at my high school prom. I can't remember the first thing about it. *

Meanwhile my date for the evening is more concerned with the fact that he's missing the quarter final of the world cup than anything, as well as his stout insistance that he will not dance at all. I wish I'd opted to just go alone.

This should be interesting.




NB. At no point has this blog contained a post on childcare or gynaecology. At no point will this blog contain a post on childcare or gynaecology.

Ms. Dejevsky why don't you try doing some research before you write in future?**





*About how to Scottish dance, I can remember the prom. It's the after party that my memory gets hazy on.

**See Patroclus' wonderful childcare and gynaecology free blog Quinquireme for an explanation.

Ninjatastic!

Yes, more ninja chat. Have no fear though bird haters it is not ninja pigeons of which I speak.

I have started reading a nifty new trade paperback called Street Angel, and what should it contain? Ninjas of course! Ninjas galore. A ninja called Roger. A ninja called Dave. Could there be more ninjas? I think not!

Orphan of the streets and skateboarding daughter of justice, Jesse Sanchez fights a never ending battle against the forces of evil, nepotism, ninjas, and hunger as Street Angel!

Hurrah! Or should that be huzzah!? It is an excellent and very funny read which I would recommend highly to all and sundry.

While I am in a recommending sort of mood, my favourite comic of the moment is the brilliantly insane Next Wave.





I am sad to say that it has no ninjas. It does however have Unusual Weapons of Mass Destruction, and an evil despotic villain called Dirk Anger. It even has a dragon / godzilla type creature called Fin Fang Foom who wears purple Y-Fronts, and homicide crabs. Don't even get me started on the broccoli men. Next Wave is definitely not a comic to be taken seriously.

If you're really keen it even has it's own theme song.

Check them out. Go on! You know you want to...